I built Rudra out of everything I experienced.

I had a degree, passed all three CFA exams, and excelled at work. From the outside, things looked fine. Underneath, I was drinking heavily for 5 years and trying to stop for the last 3 without ever making it past 2 days.

I tried everything from willpower to rearranging my schedule, changing my environment, going to the gym, and even attending a Vipassana retreat, ten days of complete silence. Still couldn't sit with myself long enough to meditate for the next 2 years. Meanwhile I was forgetting conversations, repeating myself, slowly becoming someone I didn't recognize. People close to me had been telling me for a while, but it never landed.

Then my grandmother passed. The 13 day mourning period was the longest I had been sober in years, and for the first time I had hope that change was possible. I went back to drinking after, but the evidence stuck with me. A few weeks later, something a close friend said finally hit different. I stopped trying to fix the drinking and changed how I saw myself. It held.

Sobriety opened everything. Daily meditation after 2 years of not being able to sit still, a consistent fitness routine, two pilgrimages to India, a spiritual practice I never expected, and relationships with friends and family that are stronger now than they have ever been.

Getting sober was my Rudra moment. Yours might look completely different. Leaving a career that's draining you, getting honest about a relationship, finally prioritizing your health, or just admitting to yourself that something has to change. The pattern is the same. You already know what needs to change. You just haven't done it yet.

I'm Kishan. I'm still doing the work. That's why I know what it takes.