My name is Kishan. I drank heavily for five years and tried to quit for three. I read the books, changed routines, and sat through a 10-day silent retreat. Nothing held. I drank at a wedding the night the retreat ended.
Then my grandmother died. The 13-day mourning period became the longest sober stretch I'd had in years. A few weeks later, a friend asked me one question.
"How do you want to be remembered?"
It landed. I quit two weeks later, in 2023.
I told my parents after my one-year anniversary because I didn't trust myself not to break it early and give them false hope. Seeing the tears in their eyes is something I'll remember for the rest of my life.
Stopping changed a lot. It did not change the job I didn't care about, the body I'd ignored, or the question of what I was doing with my life. I was sober and stable, but still stuck. Everyone celebrates the quit. Nobody tells you it was both the finish line you were promised and the starting line you weren't ready for.
Before this, I worked in finance and short-selling. My job was finding the detail that did not match the story a company was telling. Eventually I started using the same lens on myself. What did I say mattered? What did my behavior show? What kept appearing in the gap?
That is the work I now do with clients. Not helping them quit. Not treating addiction. Helping people make the change they keep talking about concrete enough to test, track, and build.
Rudra is the remover of sorrow. Destruction before renewal. Quitting ends one thing. The rebuild begins another.
